The Lords Anointed
The Four Stages of Parenting
Welcome to The Well Community Church. I am so glad you’re hanging out with us here today. My name is Brad, and I get the privilege of handling God’s Word. We will be in 1 Samuel chapters 23, 24, and 26, if you want to get a head start there.
Some years ago, I was talking through parenting with a dear friend of mine, Rusty Carriker, who is now with the Lord. He raised four incredible kids. I was just asking questions, processing parenting, and realizing that it gets different as they get older. I asked him, “How do you parent adult children?” He said, “Well, you need to understand there are four stages of parenting.”
You start as a commander. “Don’t touch that. Don’t do that. Do what I said. I don’t care if you want to know why—just do it.” Then you become a coach. “Here is how you tie a shoe. The bunny ears, the bunny goes around the tree, in the hole, out the other side.” You end up being a coach. Then you become a counselor, where you say, “Oh, that sounds really hard. I don’t know why they did that to you. That sounds terrible.” Finally, you become a consultant. A consultant is one who responds if asked, but if not asked, you don’t give your input. Now, that is a really hard thing to do.
Those of you who have parented kids know that moving through those various phases can be difficult. But I was reflecting back to that second phase of what it means to be a coach. There are some things you do as a parent that are just kind of on the bucket list—you need to do them. Help them learn to tie their shoes? Yes. How to ride a bike? Yes. How to swim? Yes. Rule number one when they’re swimming is: don’t drink the pool. That’s where it starts. And, of course, the reminder that we swim in the pool and we pee in the toilet. We do not swim in the toilet and pee in the pool. Let’s get those right!
Learning to Float: The Call to Submission
One of the most important things you have to teach a child in the water is how to lay on their back. Do you remember teaching your kids to float? It is so disorienting and so unnatural that, oftentimes, as you start to lay them back, they’ll stiffen up like a board and freak out. They look at you like, “Why do you hate me? Why are you trying to drown me in this moment?”
Of course, you’re trying to show them something that will save their life. You’re trying to show them that one day they’re going to be swimming and get tired, and if they can learn how to flip over on their back, it might actually help them. This is not intended to hurt them. But sometimes they protest altogether and say, “Look, if you’re going to make me do that, I’d rather stay on the steps.”
That is kind of the journey David is going on in 1 Samuel. God is trying to teach him to submit. He is trying to teach him to yield to God and to trust that God’s plans for his life are not to harm him, but are plans for good. This concept of learning to submit isn’t unique to David’s life. Peter tells us to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God so that He might exalt us at the proper time. It is an anxiety-producing thing to learn how to submit to God, and yet, that is really what is for His glory and our good.
1 Peter 5:6-7 (NASB)
Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
Seasons of the Soul: Consolation and Desolation
We’ve been talking over the last several weeks about what are called “seasons of the soul.” Your spiritual life is going to go through seasons, kind of like a bell curve. There are seasons of consolation where there is a sense of newness, joy, and delight. You hear a worship song and you cry. You read your Bible and your heart is awakened. There is a perceived presence of God in consolation. If that’s where you are at, praise God. It’s a gift.
But it doesn’t last forever. There may be a summit you come over, and then you end up in seasons of desolation. Seasons of desolation are where the same things that once brought you joy no longer have that same return on the investment. Those things that once were life-giving can become drudgery. Instead of a perceived presence of God, it feels like you’re praying into an abyss. You sense a perceived absence of God. Now, He is not absent any more than He was present before—God is always with us—but you have that feeling, that perception.
Three Responses: Willful, Will-less, or Willing
In those moments of desolation, your will can engage in one of three ways. The first is to be willful. A willful person, when disorientation hits and something feels “wonky,” feels the need to fix it. You might fight against it and resist, like the kid who stiffens up in the pool. Or you try to fight through it and grind it out. “I’m going to pull up my bootstraps and make this happen.”
The problem with being willful is that it’s driven by you. You don’t have the capacity to transform yourself, which means it’s flesh. It’s going to be short-lived and absolutely exhausting. At best, you’ll become a moralist—someone who seeks to accomplish in their own strength that which can only be accomplished by God. At worst, you’ll become “religious” in a negative sense. You jump on the treadmill of trying hard to be good, but you fail. You try harder, but you fail again. Finally, you just fake it. You put on the smile and say, “God is good all the time!” meanwhile, you’re a hot mess. You can’t be honest because then everyone would know you’re a faker.
Eventually, many people just quit, which leads to the second choice: being will-less. The will-less person says, “I just don’t think it’s working.” Because it’s not working, they’d rather just play on the steps. They resign themselves to saying, “It is what it is.” That is the language of someone who has given up.
Think of it like a dance. Have you ever seen a couple dancing where the woman won’t let the man lead? It’s a train wreck. They step on each other’s toes; it looks awkward and forced. Being will-less is equally awkward. The leader says, “Come on, dance with me,” and the partner just stands there. It’s not what it could be.
Our response should not be willful or will-less, but willing. To be willing is to join God in what He is doing. It is to let Him lead the dance and be Lord of the encounter. Jesus modeled this for us in the Garden of Gethsemane. He prayed an honest prayer: “Lord, if there’s any way, let this cup pass from me.” He wasn’t looking forward to the cross. But then He said, “Not my will, but yours be done.”
Matthew 26:39 (NASB)
And He went a little beyond [them], and fell on His face and prayed, saying, ‘My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.’
To be willing isn’t to say you don’t care about the outcome. Of course you have a preference. But it means saying, “Lord, this is my preference, but not my will. Yours be done.” It is the posture of a child resting in a parent’s arms.
Psalms 131:2 (NASB)
Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child [rests] against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me.
1 Samuel 23: Listening and Yielding in the Wasteland
Let’s watch David’s journey in 1 Samuel 23. In the first fourteen verses, David is listening and yielding. It almost reads like a Mission Impossible script. You have David inquiring of the Lord, and God giving him step-by-step instructions. David asks, “Shall I go and attack the Philistines?” and the Lord says, “Go.”
1 Samuel 23:1-5 (NASB)
Then they told David, saying, ‘Behold, the Philistines are fighting against Keilah and are plundering the threshing floors.’ So David inquired of the LORD, saying, ‘Shall I go and attack these Philistines?’ And the LORD said to David, ‘Go and attack the Philistines and deliver Keilah.’ But David’s men said to him, ‘Behold, we are afraid here in Judah. How much more then if we go to Keilah against the ranks of the Philistines?’ Then David inquired of the LORD once more. And the LORD answered him and said, ‘Arise, go down to Keilah, for I will give the Philistines into your hand.’ So David and his men went to Keilah and fought with the Philistines; and he led away their livestock and struck them with a great slaughter. Thus David delivered the inhabitants of Keilah.
Wouldn’t it be great to have that kind of audible play-by-play? But think about this: David would probably be even more amazed by us. He was a man who prayed, “Take not your Holy Spirit from me.” We, on the other hand, are permanently sealed with the Spirit of God. Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. David might ask us, “What was it like to have the triune God living inside of you?”
As the story progresses, Saul begins hunting David. David is pushed farther and farther into the wilderness. In Hebrew, there are four different words for “desert,” and they increase in severity. You have the Arabah (a region), the Midbar (wilderness with some water), the Tzia (parched land near water), and finally the Yeshimon.
The Yeshimon is the “nothing.” It is the wasteland. There is no water. When Moses led the people into the Yeshimon, they complained because the only way to survive there is if God provides. David is being pulled away from everything that can sustain him physically so that the only thing left to sustain him is God.
1 Samuel 23:14 (NASB)
David stayed in the wilderness in the strongholds, and remained in the hill country in the wilderness of Ziph. And Saul sought him every day, but God did not deliver him into his hand.
1 Samuel 24: Opportunity is Not Calling
David ends up in En Gedi, the “spring of the wild goat.” There are caves everywhere. In chapter 24, Saul enters a cave to relieve himself—and it just so happens to be the very cave where David and his men are hiding.
1 Samuel 24:3 (NASB)
He came to the sheepfolds on the way, where there [was] a cave; and Saul went in to relieve himself. Now David and his men were sitting in the inner recesses of the cave.
David has a hard decision. He could be willful. He could take matters into his own hands and take out his chief rival while he is vulnerable. His friends are whispering in his ear, “This is the day! God has given him to you!”
1 Samuel 24:4 (NASB)
The men of David said to him, ’Behold, [this is] the day of which the LORD said to you, ‘Behold; I am about to give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it seems good to you.’’ Then David arose and cut off the edge of Saul’s robe secretly.
But David understands something crucial: Opportunity does not always equal calling. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Instead of killing Saul, David secretly cuts off a corner of Saul’s robe. Even then, his conscience bothers him. The robe was a symbol of royalty. By cutting it, David disrespected the position Saul held.
1 Samuel 24:5-7 (NASB)
It came about afterward that David’s conscience bothered him because he had cut off the edge of Saul’s [robe]. So he said to his men, ‘Far be it from me because of the LORD that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’S anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, since he is the LORD’S anointed.’ David persuaded his men with [these] words and did not allow them to rise up against Saul. And Saul arose, left the cave, and went on [his] way.
David tells his men, “The Lord forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.” He chooses to trust God to handle Saul. He eventually calls out to Saul from a distance, saying, “May the Lord judge between you and me.”
1 Samuel 24:12 (NASB)
’May the LORD judge between you and me, and may the LORD avenge me on you; but my hand shall not be against you.
Saul actually responds with a moment of clarity. He admits David is more righteous and acknowledges that David will one day be king. He asks David to swear that he won’t wipe out Saul’s descendants—a promise David eventually keeps with Mephibosheth.
1 Samuel 24:17 (NASB)
He said to David, ’You are more righteous than I; for you have dealt well with me, while I have dealt wickedly with you.
1 Samuel 24:20-22 (NASB)
’Now, behold, I know that you will surely be king, and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hand. ‘So now swear to me by the LORD that you will not cut off my descendants after me and that you will not destroy my name from my father’s household.’ David swore to Saul. And Saul went to his home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.
1 Samuel 26: Leaving Vengeance to the Lord
However, Saul has a short memory. In chapter 26, he comes after David again with 3,000 men.
1 Samuel 26:2 (NASB)
So Saul arose and went down to the wilderness of Ziph, having with him three thousand chosen men of Israel, to search for David in the wilderness of Ziph.
David and a volunteer named Abishai sneak into Saul’s camp while everyone is in a deep sleep from the Lord. They find Saul with his spear stuck in the ground near his head. Abishai, who is the kind of friend we all need but also the kind of friend who can get us into trouble, whispers, “Let me pin him to the ground. One stroke. I won’t need a second shot.”
1 Samuel 26:8 (NASB)
Then Abishai said to David, ‘Today God has delivered your enemy into your hand; now therefore, please let me strike him with the spear to the ground with one stroke, and I will not strike him the second time.’
It was a tempting offer, but David refuses again. He says, “Who can stretch out his hand against the Lord’s anointed and be without guilt?” David realizes that God is perfectly capable of being God. He doesn’t need David to commit murder to fulfill His promise.
1 Samuel 26:9-11 (NASB)
But David said to Abishai, ‘Do not destroy him, for who can stretch out his hand against the LORD’S anointed and be without guilt?’ David also said, ’As the LORD lives, surely the LORD will strike him, or his day will come that he dies, or he will go down into battle and perish. ‘The LORD forbid that I should stretch out my hand against the LORD’S anointed; but now please take the spear that is at his head and the jug of water, and let us go.’
This reminds me of what Paul says in Romans. “Never take your own revenge… vengeance is mine, I will repay, declares the Lord.”
Romans 12:19 (NASB)
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath [of God], for it is written, ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,’ says the Lord.
David is learning to “order his prayer and eagerly watch,” as the Psalmist says. He doesn’t need personal retribution because his God is really good at being God. It is an amazing thing when you can just say, “Lord, you handle them,” and let it go.
Psalms 5:3 (NASB)
In the morning, O LORD, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order [my] [prayer] to You and [eagerly] watch.
David calls out to Saul again, pointing out how ridiculous it is for the King of Israel to be hunting a “single flea.”
1 Samuel 26:20 (NASB)
‘Now then, do not let my blood fall to the ground away from the presence of the LORD; for the king of Israel has come out to search for a single flea, just as one hunts a partridge in the mountains.’
Saul confesses his sin again, calling himself a fool. David doesn’t fall for the trap of returning to Saul’s court, but he leaves the judgment to God.
1 Samuel 26:21 (NASB)
Then Saul said, ‘I have sinned. Return, my son David, for I will not harm you again because my life was precious in your sight this day. Behold, I have played the fool and have committed a serious error.’
1 Samuel 26:23 (NASB)
’The LORD will repay each man [for] his righteousness and his faithfulness; for the LORD delivered you into [my] hand today, but I refused to stretch out my hand against the LORD’S anointed.
Application: Learning to Wait
As we bring this home, I want to ask you: is there any area in your life where you need to learn to float? Is there an area where God is asking you to submit, but you are stiffening up?
Are you confusing opportunity with calling? Maybe you have an opportunity to be dishonest in business, or to step outside your marriage, and you’re trying to justify it because the “opportunity” is there. If you are willing to be open to the Lord, He will bring those things to your mind.
When you are in disorientation, how do you respond? Are you being willful—trying to fix it all yourself? If so, you are leaning on the wrong power. You think too highly of yourself and too little of God. Or are you being will-less—staying on the steps and saying, “I’ll never change”?
There is a joy that comes with surrender. It’s like the look on my kids’ faces when they finally realized they were floating. They weren’t sinking; they were buoyant. Kingdom influence is given, not taken.
My prayer for us as a community is that we might learn to wait on the Lord together. It won’t always feel natural. We are bent in the flesh to be willful. But together, we can remind each other: our God is good. Our God can be trusted. He is aware, He is able, and He is involved.
Psalms 130:5-6 (NASB)
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope. My soul [waits] for the Lord More than the watchmen for the morning; [Indeed, more than] the watchmen for the morning.
Let’s pray. Father in heaven, we thank You that You can be trusted. Forgive us when we stiffen up. Forgive us when we try to control everything. Help us to cast our anxieties on You and, like Jesus, say, “Not our will, but Yours be done.” Help us embrace the mystery of life with You. We pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.